But it turns out that it's not all negative. On the contrary. If only you look, you'll find that right there in that hole is something you've desperately needed to complete your journey successfully. And you wouldn't have found it if you hadn't fallen in that hole. As time goes on, you may be able to say that the fall was worth the discovery.

Understanding the true meaning of the events of your life is more important than you might ever have imagined. How so? I discovered that there's one basic principle underlying the ten reasons: The good that comes out of the bad things that happen to you is to help you become your best, most authentic self.

Each of the ten reasons is a different way of helping you become your best self. And your reason is the specific resource you need to do a better job leading the life you were meant to lead as the person you were meant to be.

Things happen in your life to help you get rid of the parts of yourself that aren't you. To help you be more real and more yourself in your life, not like everyone else. To help you lead a more authentic life. And ultimately to help you discover who you really are.

Things often happen to us in life that take us away from who we really are. And the further we drift, the more likely it is that it's going to take some final loss or difficulty to shove in our faces the fact that we don't even know who we are anymore. This helps us wake up so we can once again rediscover our true selves.

Here's a story I heard from the Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams.

Rabbi Yehuda was the holiest man of his age. One night he dreamt that he had died and was brought before the throne of heaven. And the angel who stands before the throne said to him, "Who are you?" "I am Rabbi Yehuda of Prague," he replied. "Tell me, my lord, if my name is written in the book of all who will share in the kingdom of heaven."

"Wait," said the angel. "I shall read the names of all who died today that are written in the book." And he read aloud the names, thousands of them. As the angel read, Rabbi Yehuda saw fly into heaven the spirits of all those whose names had been called.

At last the angel finished reading, and Rabbi Yehuda's name had not been called. He wept bitterly.

The angel said, "But I have called your name."

Rabbi Yehuda said, "I did not hear it."

And the angel said, "In the book are written the names of all the people who have ever lived, for every soul is an inheritor of the kingdom of heaven. But many come here who have never heard their true names on the lips of man or angel. They have lived believing that they know who they really are, but they don't know. And so when they're called to heaven by their names as who they really are, they don't recognize themselves. They don't realize that it's for them that the gates of heaven are opened. So they must wait until they know their true selves and so recognize their true names."

At this Rabbi Yehuda woke and, rising from his bed with tears, he lay prostrate on the ground and prayed, "Master of the Universe! Grant me once before I die to hear my own true name as who I really am."

Many more of us are like Rabbi Yehuda than we might think. On the surface we have complete identities-names, degrees, professions, job titles, affiliations. Then some cruel-seeming event comes along and is actually kinder than we might think. It wakes us up to the fact that we've not known our true selves. And at the same time it teaches us some lesson-one of the ten reasons for the events of our lives-that makes it possible for us to finally become who we really are.